I am struggling friends with the political pulls and distractions.  I find myself angered easily by the direction of our country and the way as a people we have behaved in the past 4 years.  I don't care what side of the parties politically you are on.  We must do better!

We have treated our President with the utmost disgrace and then we have played the victim to every situation that arose.  The hypocrisy of the riots on either side is appalling.  I don't care if you like the President or don't like the President, We The People, have to set a better example.

And Christians!  Where is your focus???  Honestly, I'm frustrated by your call to Christ and your easily distracted demeanor as you cut off the ear of everyone that doesn't believe as you do!  Let's get back in the Word and see how we are supposed to behave as Christ followers.  We are not called to fight against flesh and blood, so instead of fighting about the use of a mask, how about we pray for healing instead and allow people to choose their precautions without fear of condemnation.

I'm equally frustrated with our Social Media Big Tech giants who have determined they are the god's of the internet.  With the exception of a few, I've dropped my social media platforms.  I won't be conformed.  I don't need followers, I need God.  I also need to be an encourager, and I was called to do so without censorship.  Now, if I break the law, then I do need to be held accountable by the Governmental laws that I'm under, but if I'm loosing my spirituality...then there's no point in any of this...eternity is a lot longer than this temporary life.

I am also censored by my employment.  I am not to disclose my place of employment and my political affiliation.  I'm not even certain I can share my employment and my faith in Christ, but again, I believe I'm called to respect my Government and honor Christ.  So, that shall remain.

I also just want to touch on the cult like religions out there... yes, you are out there too, distorting the name of Christ.  Christ is not a title to control.  It doesn't give you a license to treat people with shame, hurt, control, biases, or give you some sort of badge of honor.  A Christian is called to follow Christ.  Make certain if you are going to be known by His name, you know how to discern the differences, because the Government is coming after you and religion is under scrutiny.  Make sure your roots run deep and your faith runs deeper.

Let me make one more observation.  Your race wars need to stop.  You are all, and I mean ALL, creating an environment where your race believes it should be superior.  I think we all recall from Hitler's failure that wasn't the answer.  Can I give you a news flash?  Just because we are created by God to be certain skin color doesn't mean we need to have pride or supremacy.    Do better.  We are equal, we need to maintain that in all regards.  You matter, regardless of any race, religion, culture, creed, YOU MATTER.  You were perfectly and wonderfully made by God to be the skin color and culture you are.  YOU....MATTER!

I am certain my vent will not create my intention of reevaluating our thoughts on a whole.  I am certain this particular post may never be read by anyone, ever.  But what I am confident of, is that I stand for God's creation.  You do too, represent HIM well.

I got a call from my boss today.  Congratulations she said!  I sheepishly replied...thanks...for....what?  She laughed as she told me what the reason for her call was.  She shared with me that I had accomplished a good amount of work throughout the year and she wanted to thank me for my hard work.  I hung up the call and I looked up and I thanked God.

You could go back to posts probably around 2012-2015 and find my blogs in some desperate need of encouragement.  I bet reading them for the most part, although amazing lessons learned in them, were pretty pity party filled.  Most of it due to work.  Not that I didn't love my job I did.  Not that I didn't work hard at them, I did.  Not that I didn't take responsibility for my mistakes,  and not that I didn't attempt to go above and beyond in challenging myself to do better, I did.  The difference however, were my coworkers and my bosses.

I make plenty of mistakes at my work, plenty. I bet I have at least 3 error reports daily of things I have to correct. Big things, like major no nos.  We have safeguards set up in most all of our work to guarantee there is always something checking our work constantly. We are human we will make mistakes.  Sometimes I work too fast to get things done, sometimes I multitask and forget steps.  Sometimes distractions lure my focus away and sometimes I just plain don't know how to do something.  Mistakes have always been hard for me.  I'm a people pleaser.  I take the blame for my own mistakes and I take the blame for other peoples mistakes because I feel I could have done something to help them not make their mistake.  I am a glutton for punishment when no one else even knows there's anything wrong.  I made mistakes back then, and I make mistakes now, I handle them the same, but the difference is the one that oversees me, oversees the mistakes, knows I don't want to make them intentionally, corrects me, and then sends me on my way to work hard again, all the while telling me I'm valued.  My bosses today focus on my strengths and put me in positions I can succeed in, and surround me with coworkers who can pick up the pieces I'm not gifted in.
 
Prior bosses were much different.  Mistakes were pointed out, harshly, I was reprimanded, I was reminded over and over again of all my failure as well as my own self beating myself up.  My boss would threaten the security in my job, telling me I should be better, do better and continually giving me tasks that I felt like a failure in.  Sure they'd throw in a few kind words once in awhile, but I guarantee you, I felt unappreciated, unworthy and down right dumb.  I was embarrassed and very discouraged.

I  thought a lot about the character of God and the character I want to reflect.  How it feels to me to be encouraged, corrected, guided, taught, stretched, challenged appreciated and loved...all the while making several mistakes along the way.  On the alternate how it feels when I am condemned, scolded, shamed, humiliated, left to learn on my own, shunned and watched like a hawk awaiting one wrong move to pounce and devour.  

Given I've had both kind of leadership personalities, I'm so grateful for one, while learning to discern the other.  We might not all have the opportunity to work for an incredible team like I do now.  I know, because this is the first time I have, but I do know that wherever we work, we have the opportunity to be lead by an amazing God who is willing to take the time to develop us in His character...even thru bosses that may do everything in their power to let you know that you aren't worthy of their job.  I guarantee if there is every a moment where you feel less than valued by people around you, it's time to open up the word of God and read it.  Study it, soak it in.  It's full of truth's solid truths that will help you succeed in any circumstance.

Proverbs 12:25 New International Version (NIV)25 Anxiety weighs down the heart,
    but a kind word cheers it up.

I am so excited for the opportunity to share Christ with the folks at New Hope Lutheran Church in Sisseton, SD this Sunday you guys!  There is absolutely nothing more fulfilling for me, in life, than to discuss such a life changing topic with others, knowing that God's Word, not mine, never goes out void and will hit the mark of the ones who need it at that very moment.  And it happens.  EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  Guaranteed.  I love that.  I love that God uses any willing vessel, who accurately shares His word, to speak into those He loves...and those He loves you guys...are YOU!  Regardless of where you are at in life with this Jesus thing...He loves you.  Not only that, but He wants to speak to you. He wants you to hear Him, not me.  Perhaps I get to be the one who shares a message, that prompts you, to seek Him, deeper in relationship.

But TEACHING you guys.... is SCARY...like nightmare on Elm Street scary.  I mean it.  Have you actually read scripture that discusses what someone that teaches is supposed to do, or how they are supposed to live their lives?  

Like Matthew 28:18-20
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Like Romans 12-5-8
so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Like 2 Timothy 3:16-17
​All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,  so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Like James 3:1-2
Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

Ok...let me just give you an example of 2 priests that didn't follow the word of God EXACTLY like they were supposed to... remember Moses's brother the Chief priest Aaron, who was called by God to speak for Moses because Moses didn't think he was a good speaker...well yeah, his sons, who had been trained for years to be Priests, followed the Lord diligently for years...went through the crucial sacrifices in order to just be able to stand in the temple, did I mention they were priests...by one wrong move...were burnt to a crisp. Look it up in

Leviticus Chapter 10:1-3
Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu took their censers, put fire in them and added incense; and they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, contrary to his command. So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.  Moses then said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord spoke of when he said:
“‘Among those who approach me
    I will be proved holy;
in the sight of all the people
    I will be honored.’”
Aaron remained silent.

Like instant lightening dead you guys...like all of a sudden worshipping "God let your fire fall" and it did....and just like that they were dead.  So how's that for encouraging you to speak out for the truth of Christ.  I don't know about you...but I fall short much more than 1 slight deviance from God's command.

Ok, and on top of all that, let's just get down to the elephant in the middle of the room.  If you haven't noticed.  I'm a girl.  My uncle Ted would be one to tell you that "women do not belong behind a pulpit" and yet here I am in a place where girls are not allowed to teach in many religions.  I'm also going to say that he gets that from scripture.  Let's just go there.  Because scripture is truth and we are not to deviate from truth to satisfy our own desires right?

1 Timothy 2-11-15
A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.

But you guys, this is talking about learning...and submission.  Lordship.  I'm ok with that, well I should be, it's solid scripture.  If I didn't agree, I need to get my opinion to bow down to truth and change my perspective.

1 Corinthians 14:34-35
Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.  If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

But again you guys, this is talking about learning.  Not being disruptive, not being rude and interrupting Lordship.  if you are not permitted to speak, per the Lordship of the head who is to be strongly faithful and rooted in Christ...in Christ, then you should not do so.  There is Lordship, but that does not mean that a woman, has no gift to teach. Nor does it mean they shouldn't. Take a look at the scriptures, we just went over regarding teaching.  Does it mention a gender?

I want to assure you, I battled with this many times.  Each time, begging God to not let it be true, because I have a fire in my heart and my belly to share the Gospel, to share testimony, to share healing, to share salvation, not for my benefit or profit, but for Christ.   I'm not looking to share my opinion, as many of the times what I teach is actually contrary to my fleshly opinion and I've struggled and battled to get my flesh to kneel to the Lordship of Christ's truth many times. I've questioned my ability to teach, prompted by the whispers of others about:
1) Not having formal training
2) No ordination
3) No college degree
Tell me, again, what college did the disciples attend for their training?  

I'm settled in Spirit and lead by numerous scriptures that assure me that children, women and men alike have the ability, the gift, and are fully equipped by Christ, through the study of God's word and the leading of the Holy Spirit,  to teach, prophesy, encourage, serve and live out the message of Christ.

Galatians 3:26-28
So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

So here we see Paul is trying to break the pattern of living under the law and instead living in relationship with Christ and each other.

Old Testament looking towards the coming of Christ....
Joel 2:28 
The Day of the Lord
“And afterward,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your old men will dream dreams,
    your young men will see visions.

Proverbs 31:26
She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

With that being said, I want you to be fully aware that you are not to just allow anyone to speak into your life.  Likewise you should test everyone and every word that is spoken over you.  I was so very fortune to have been brought up in Christ by the late Pastor Dwight Fearing.  Although I've heard many stories from people of all walks of life regarding their perception of him, my experience was always that he encouraged, more so demanded, that I alone was personally responsible for reading, studying and understanding the Word of God so that I was able to discern spirits of deceit, including words spoken by him personally and including religious doctrines that did not line up to truth.  I encourage you to do the same.  Prior to Christ, many words were spoken over me that created a foothold in my life.  Rejection, condemnation, shame and worthless are some of the ones that I truly battle with, even today.  Therefore, even in my honest effort to represent Christ well, as I walk this life out in him, I may still see some situations through my own lenses and not through Christ's eyes....but rest assured, I am running towards the finish line, and God's not completed his good work in me yet.

Which brings me to my title.  Why do you call me good?

One thing I truly enjoy about New Hope is the steadfastness to God's word, His truth and His ways.  Generationally you are sound in doctrine, not being swayed by every new doctrine out there today, tossed about like an unanchored vessel.  You do not tolerate new age ways and stand firmly rooted in the faith you were raised in.  I look out at each one of you and I would say that I see you as good.  I can certainly point out numerous reasons and experiences I've had with you and other people that would lead me to believe my perception of "good".
1) Charity
2) Your clothes
3) How your children behave
4) How I see you out in public away from church
5) How you treat others
6) What college degree you have
7) How much money you make, or career you succeeded in
8) Your political affiliation
9) What others say about you

But is that what God looks for?  Jesus was called a Good teacher and He responded by saying: 

Mark 10:18
 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.

Luke the Dr. also re-tells it in Luke 18:19
 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.

Now there are several takes on this.  Yes, Jesus could be verifying he is God and hinting to the speaker that he has indeed recognized him as God, or he could also be digging even more deeper as I believe he does and reminding us that no one has the ability to be good, without God...even further, God in us.

Let's take a look at the entire story.  

The Rich and the Kingdom of God
18 A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
19 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’[a]”
21 “All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said.
22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
23 When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. 24 Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! 25 Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
26 Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?”
27 Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
28 Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!”
29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30 will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

You see many times, we believe that it's by the good things we do or by the reasons people see us as good that we shall inherit eternal life in heaven.  I mean we even many times decide where we think people are by the works they have done.  You hear it all the time at funerals, you hear it from conversations.  I mean if people behave like Mother Theresa you guys, we are certain they must be in heaven when they pass from this life to the eternal one. 

But that's not always the case.

Many times, it's actually quite sad that we assure ourselves our place in heaven by the works we do.  We are confident by our charity for orphans and widows, and our impeccable church attendance record that we have a house waiting in heaven.  We many times, act like Martha cleaning and preparing and prepping and making the house spic and span for our guests, instead of leaving the dust on our end tables and sitting at the feet of Jesus like Mary.  Oh and believe me, you will have plenty of Martha's tattling to God about your poorly kept home and lack of high class duties.  You guys, finger scripture in that dust and get to know Christ instead.   Don't worry about your reputation with people, be more concerned with your eternity in Christ.   There will just be more dust tomorrow anyway.

Now, let me wrap this up by saying...scripture assures us that in Christ, you will produce the fruits of many things.  GOODNESS is one of them.  So good works should and will come out of you once you have accepted Christ as your Lordship and trusted that it was HIS sacrificial works in death that insured your sinful debts were paid.  That it's a free gift, that you choose to receive, that seals that fate.  Only then will true good works be a sign of your faithfulness to Christ. Not to or of yourself or of your people pleasing disease.

Galatians 5:22-26
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

I'm not really certain what happened. Maybe it was the need to be back in the presence of people worshiping Christ.  Maybe it was getting my sights back on something that truly mattered, or perhaps it was the Holy Spirit working His stuff in among hearts that were open to what He was about to do, but all of a sudden my tears began to fall.  I began to weep, and the flood gates of emotions, while trying to get out the words "how great is our God", overwhelmed me to the core.  I wasn't sad, there wasn't anything I had been stuffing down, I wasn't harboring unforgiveness over anything I was aware of.  I just could not stop the tears in thinking how absolutely wonderful God is.  My son and husband looked at me and I said, I don't know what's going on....

Transitioning to a Holy Spirit message from our Pastor about how without downplaying any circumstance, we needed to stop focusing on our "issues" and instead look up and focus on Christ, so we were in a position to actually do something constructive with our circumstance.  By choice, we could work at a resolve through Christ instead of simply pitching a tent and piling on the wood and adding gasoline to fuel the fire of our pity party that we wanted to sit and gaze at.

Testimonies provided later would confirm to me that the Holy Spirit was moving during the service, in which, I'm certain He does more often that we provide Him credit.  Peggy shared that she had some heartbreaking situations take her over during the weekend and when I walked by her to get a tissue for my floodgate of tears, the Spirit, seemed to fall on her and she received some needed healing for her heart.  Marne shared that she could tell that my tears were Holy Spirit inspired and it sparked a fire to worship more deeply than a casual service.

Not bad for some "I don't know why I'm crying" moments...

Yet their was more, as there always is. 

We seem to live in a world where status is important to most.  We have to live to impress, we have to be perfect in the eyes of all those watching, and we have no tolerance towards others who are less fortunate that we perceive we are.  We like to go to church on Sundays so others can identify us as "good", but being careful not to actually live the walk out during the rest of the week, lest someone might say we are not "cool", or even worse, that we might be a religious fanatic. 

But here I was in a group of people that truly believed that Jesus did what He did, said what He said and commanded what He commanded, not because we are confined to some sort of religious rules, but instead the answers to living a fulfilled life under any circumstance.  I love these people, far from perfect, far from flawless, far from "have it all together" but most certainly focused on and living for Christ.

I have been provided the delicate opportunity and extremely important task to teach our youth on occasion.   This week it was my opportunity to invest in these amazing youth in Christ.  I'm telling you, it's truly my honor, as this young generation of world leaders are ready to tackle the lies of the enemy.  They are always engaged in thought, even in the midst of their multitasking ability to be laughing about "farting" and at the same time be engaged in a deep conversation about Christ.  Worldly distraction hasn't taken control of this ability and gifting in them.  I learn more from them than they do from me and I smirk every time they ask if "I'm teaching them".... learning is clearly more accurate.

If you haven't clued in to my inspiration by the title of my blog, I live for "God Moments".  Today was no exception.  In youth bible class, I typically start off with a fun story ~ todays was about a Teddy Bear that traveled the world in a unique way.  After the icebreaker inspirational story we break open in study of the word of God.  I usually pick a chapter of two, we take turns reading and when we are done each student, and yes, each student, engages in what their "take away" was.  They ALL participate, and they all have amazing take aways.  Today's God Moment however, hands down, went to Ashley.  Her favorite part of Acts Chapter 1 was verse 11 that speaks about the apostles standing there looking up to Christ.  Her "insight" or God moment reveal was that Jesus told the disciples that he would be ascending and then would return.  Yet, she recalled, they must not have been listening, because now that it was happening, they seemed like they forgot they were already told.

We are like that too, aren't we?  We go about our lives, some of us reading the word of God, sometimes even studying it.  Maybe we've hung our hats on a few selected verses, or maybe we attend a few church services, until one day, we find ourselves looking up, wishing we would have spent more time actually living for Christ instead of just dabbling in it.  Or perhaps we find ourselves fire gazing at our pity party of circumstances and realize, we simply need to look up for our answers.

Acts 1:11
They said, "Men of Galilee, why are you standing here looking into the sky?  Jesus, whom you saw taken up from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you saw him go.

One of my favorite all time Christian movies is "The Gospel of John".  I remember watching it for the first time and the one thing that jumped out at me and captured my heart was the words, "You did not choose me, but I chose you"...

I remember at first arguing the statement in my head, as I often do, "no that's not true, I did come to you, I did choose you", and then the realization of what it meant to me to be chosen... by God.

Today in church, on this amazing Easter morning, I heard the mention of the words, "you did not choose Him, but He chose you... and I smiled.  I looked around at all the amazing people that God had chosen.  Each and every one of them full of gifts, each different, each unique, equally as important, yet, I'm sure that they have no idea, how truly impactful for the kingdom of heaven they are.  Some know their purpose, some are swimming in purpose prodded on by a circle around them and some are loners quietly sharing their gifts without acknowledgement or need for recognition.

You did not choose Him, He chose you...

The impact of that statement draws me to tears every.single.time.

Sometimes we were not raised in homes of encouragement, many times, we were raised in broken homes full of broken people.  In those homes, we learned how to earn love, beg for love, or settle for anyone who was willing to show us love for a season.  We learned to settle, learned to not have value, not worthy of anything more than the left over scraps thrown about.  Love perhaps looked like many things...but perhaps never genuine.    Or sometimes we were raised in homes full of love, full of encouragement and full of solid foundations.  Perhaps we took that for granted.  

Perhaps in among that brokenness, we found someone that invested in us.  Someone that showed us that we were more than we believed, that took the time to spend time with us, took time to love us in all our brokenness and helped set us back on solid ground...or perhaps we are still waiting for that someone...

You didn't choose Him, He chose you and His name

is Jesus.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.  This is my command: Love each other.
John 15:12-17

My husband and I text often back and forth while we are away from one another.  Daily. This started several years ago, after we nearly neglected and destroyed our marriage.  Throughout the day, we stop and make sure we connect, even through a text.  But this text was different.... "I lack nothing in my marriage" it said...

I stopped.  My heart melted.  "I don't either" was my response, "and I love you so much."

If you know us, you understand.  If not, just know that our marriage was on the brink of ruin, and suicide was in my sights just over 14 years ago, you know that that statement has come through some depths. We've learned so much since coming to Christ.  We've learned to weather the storms, to trust in times of uncertainty, to weep when needed,  to keep on keeping on when hopelessness seems far to real, to rejoice, to encourage, to accept and act upon holy discipline and most of all to give thanks in all circumstances.  Most importantly, know that you will never reach your finish line until eternity, and you must CHOOSE to pick up your cross every. single. day.

All circumstances....  to know what we came out of, to know who saved us.... 

​Christ.

I learn so much from my family.  One thing I've learned is that everyone needs a "Zach" in their lives.  Zach is my oldest son.  He's challenged me in so many ways to avoid "worry".  I am constantly checking in on my family, making sure they don't stumble, fall, or get bumped.  Making sure they are getting my daily "life lessons" that are so imperative to their lives... HA! … it's lecture 101 and no one really loves it, but I'm always trying to avoid anything "bad" happening.  The truth of the matter is, no matter how good I am, or they are, no matter how much I lean in and press into God, or they do, "bad stuff" still happens.  I know this all too well.

But the key is what do you do with the "bad stuff" when it does appear?  Zach will tell you that you don't need to react.  If it happens, it's the way it was supposed to be anyway.  He is set on the fact that we are always on the right track and that as long as we keep our sights on Christ, we are going to be ok.  He believes that choices create circumstances, whether our choices or others, but that through circumstances, God always provides a way to Him.  

In all circumstances.

I can hear the normal responses... "anyone who thinks those things, has never been through ***fill in the blank***".  Which is true, everyone has been though something, and many times, other people may or may not be able to relate, but that doesn't mean that we can't find a common denominator, when it comes to trials of many kinds...

Christ.

Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.  And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.  Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Rejoice always,  pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not quench the Spirit.  Do not treat prophecies with contempt  but test them all; hold on to what is good,  reject every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.  ~1Thesolonians 5:12-24

The authentic me, is a small town, little house on the prairie gal, who loves the simple things in life.  The kind of person who can not stand the rat race for one single moment.  I am lit up and energized by being in a room full of people, pouring encouragement into them, and on the same token, loves to sit at home and crochet and listen to worship music while I watch the sunset and think of all the things I'm thankful for. 

Yet, there is the Mr. Hyde side of me, that longs to be loved, longs to be accepted, longs to have the big house, fancy things, social standing and status.  And at times, I feed Mr. Hyde with my thoughts, actions and deeds.  When I do, I find myself in a very unsettled condition on so many levels.  I find I begin to convince myself I'm not good enough, rich enough, important enough, or capable enough to have or deserve these things.  From there, I encourage the notion that other people think these same thoughts of me.  

In the last few years, I've made a few changes, mostly because of my "people pleasing" tendencies.  I've removed nearly all social media connections with people.  I find although I love being around a crowd of people, I could not find the wilderness in social media, nor a way to escape and be alone.  Now when I say "alone", I used to think it was my time to be a "hermit".  I've since realized that is not what I was doing at all.  It was actually the time I needed to get alone with God, with my thoughts, with my authentic self, my heart, my true emotions, my true needs, struggles, and thoughts.  A time to get rid of distractions, yes, distractions, the need to be in people's business, or checking my social media account every 30 seconds to see what I had missed.  During that time of distraction, I found I was more concerned about men than about God.  I noted all the events I wasn't invited to, the friends I didn't have, the parties I didn't attend, the money I lacked, the looks I admired, the trips I couldn't take, the contact with true personal relationships that were slipping out of existence into a cyber world masked by the false appearance of "connection". I found my focus and perspective reflecting the popular likes on social media instead of the truth about God.

If you've never done so, I would highly encourage you to take some time to get away from everything.  Find a place where there are no camera's, cell phones, social media, people, and instead turn up the worship music.  Find a place you can sing without the fear of listeners, dance without the fear of watchers.  Pandora, YouTube, and other free resources have excellent channels of worship.  Drown out the sounds of distraction and just get consumed and saturated in Christ and all He has done and is doing.  Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide and lead you into all truth.  Maybe you need to just soak in His mercy, maybe you need to repent in His forgiveness, maybe you need to scream questions of "WHY GOD?" in His wisdom, maybe you need to crawl into the arms of His acceptance.  Whatever your need, He is the answer.  

Then, when your God tank is overflowing, go share this with others... not on social media. Instead, make personal, real life connections with others.  Take time to invest, truly invest in relationships.  Stop solely hiding behind distractions of computer screens and cell phones and live.  If my Pastor taught me one thing before he transitioned into eternity, it was that purpose was about making genuine personal connections with others.  He made it his life purpose to invest and build others up in Christ.  No one sought dependence on him, but instead dependence on Christ, because that is what he pointed too. 

When we enter eternity, may it be said of us, that we took the time to invest in others, and in every connection that God placed in our path, that we pointed to Christ.
 
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  ~Matthew 11: 28-30

I found myself consumed by thoughts of "comparison", or perhaps better yet, "covetousness".  I hadn't done that for quite some time, but in this particular situation, I couldn't help but see how evident it was, that I simply wasn't good enough, nor would I ever be.  I had been through a few weeks of testing.  One week comparing my home, finances and belongings to those of other families, to the next week, the friendships of others, that I realized, once again, I didn't have.

As I often do, I whirl winded into thoughts of self pity, longing for things I didn't have, from there to my family dynamics, my past, my childhood, to my broken home, to my broken relationships, to me... broken.

It's true, all of those things, tangible, evident, and repetitive.  It all led back to me.  Truth...however, is not synonymous with circumstance. 

Yes, I can assure you in my self loathing, pity party of emotions that I can still provide you solid facts of why and how these things exist.  Right down to the last revelation of my downward spiral, but I assure you, these things, although, true, although painful, although real, does not mean it's "TRUTH".

I thought back to the first couple years my husband and I were married.  We had very little, but we were always very happy.  I think we struggled at a mere $16,000 a year income between the two of us.  We didn't have a spare bed for friends, but we put a mattress on the floor and always had friends stay over.  We didn't have a fancy vehicle, but we had a cool old truck that we'd drive in snow and mud while we laughed and laughed.  We didn't have a nice house, but my Grandpa always stopped over to play skip-bo.  We didn't have a lake cabin, but we had family that loved to camp and tenting in pouring rain was always a memory maker.  Then, once we had kids, we didn't seem to have money for fancy gifts, but I learned to make a really cool SpongeBob cake for $2.49 and there was never enough cake for the amount of people who showed up to celebrate with us.
​
As for the last several years, sadly, I let some major set backs over take me.  I let myself believe some pretty harmful things, lies really, that although I could provide evidence of and I could prove without reasonable doubt they exist, weren't "TRUTH", but I wooed them non the less.

I took some time to listen to my Pastor on some old podcasts.   He passed away a year ago now, so I'm so thankful for technology in this way.  Interestingly enough, I found once again, in his unusually gifted ability to read my mail, he continuing to do so, even though his sermons recorded several years ago.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:19-21

"Do not think for a moment that the things you think you lack are going to make you happy" His voice rang out.  "If you find yourself consumed with wanting anything more than more of Jesus, you need to reevaluate your heart and your motives.  I assure you, "things" will not fill the void that only Christ can.

I thought of this man...this man that time and time again took time out of his life, his very extremely busy schedule, to call me on a God prompt, to see if I was ok.  If I didn't answer, which many times, I didn't, he would show up on my door step, 70 miles out of his way.  Not out of obligation, but because he genuinely loved me.  He genuinely knew that my heart was broken from rejection and bitterness, loneliness and insecurity, and he time and time again, found me in my hiding and called me into God's purpose for my life.  

Not only did he do this for me... but for countless others, countless, and he followed up with each and every one of his flock like this until the day he left for eternity.

I stepped outside of my pity party, I regrouped.  I refocused my sights on Christ. 

We can certainly spend time, where ever we desire, but sometimes, we might figure out we have just spent the last 40 years wandering in the desert, on the same old abuse, pain, hurt, negativity, fear, doubt and we've like a broken record, stuck on repeat, rehearsed it over and over again...
OR
we can regroup, reassess, set our sights like flint towards Christ and we can possess the promise land God assured us of, void of things, but full in Christ.  I'm no longer a slave to fear...I am a Child of God. 

#FinishStrong!