I've struggled for years with the true meaning of love. The definition of it. The feel of it. The truth of it and mostly the longevity of it. I know what lust is. I know what a season of love is. I know what it is to love a boyfriend, a lover, and I know what it is to love a husband. I know what it's like to love a child. I know what it's like to love a parent, I know what it's like to have the love of a parent withheld. I know and understand what it is like to find love and to loose love. I'm sure you do too. I know what it's like to be betrayed in love, to betray love, and to trust in a temporary love only to find it was based on temporary motives. I know what it's like to want to be desired, to desire and to long for acceptance. And...I know what's it's like to do all the things necessary to try to achieve it. Most of them very unhealthy.
Lately, I've struggled with many of these things for one reason or another. Doubts, anxiety, separations, ruined relationships, envy of others, fear of rejection, unworthiness. Getting ready to be an empty nester and all that goes with letting go of a child who at one time depended on their Momma, and now seemingly has no need, as they sprout wings and prepare to fly...
I received an email from a very prominent person in my workplace this week. Someone I admire very much, honoring me for my efforts and love of my job. I printed it out, saved it, and cherished every.single.word. I was so thankful to hear the words spoken over me. Words I longed to hear in my efforts of being the ultimate people pleaser. I fall for words quickly and easily and are as equally easy to be completely crushed by words of those that are not as gracious to provide encouragement, but instead condemnation. I also tend to be lifted up and carried away by words of love...yet in the same breath, know how quickly the wind takes those words away as well. I find it interesting that I don't fall so easily for the words Christ speaks over me. The words that would make a true impact, the words that change circumstances, heals lives, and saves us from wrong paths.
I truly believe these are the reason that I'm absolutely overwhelmed by Christ. The love I've grown to believe in, and depend on through Him is not fickle. It surpasses any other love I've ever known. Unlike an unfaithful spouse, God's love is not disloyal or unfaithful. Unlike a friendship it is not unpredictable or dependent on feelings or actions. Unlike a child about to leave the nest, and fly on it's own independence, it is not impulsive. Unlike the world, it is not faithless. Unlike an absent father, it is not undependable or unpredictable. Unlike a random lover, it is not, unstable, unsteady, or erratic. God's love is true, not dependent on performance, failures, or disappointments. It's instruction is to provide freedom, safety, and a place in eternity with Him.
Oh the joy in finding and discovering a life of love, true love and the contentment that love would provide....The opportunity to walk in the garden once again in direct relationship with the One who loved us first...would be worth it all...including all the artificial counterfeits of the world.
I think it's worth seeking.
We love because HE first loved us.
~ 1 John 4:19