I've learned in 19 years of marriage that people want to enjoy their lives. They are unique they are individual. They have different interests and hobbies and likes and needs and they want to be who they are without losing what they like. Your spouse wants to continue to reach for their dreams with you by their side.
When I first met my husband, he was trapped in a very unhealthy lifestyle. I insisted he seek help, or I could not continue to be with him. The temptation to live the lifestyle was stronger than my threat, and although I wanted him desperately to quit living in the manner he did, I stayed and endured the lifestyle with him. Fortunately for us, eventually the lifestyle caught up to us and he was forced to seek help. I would now call this a God Moment.
Tony has been sober since he was 17. He's now nearing 40. He's handled a lot of things sober during that time. He's a strong man and I'm so sorry for many things I've hurt him with, through out our marriage.
The next major fights we had, after his sobriety, were over things like this car here in the picture. This is our Nova. Well, it used to be HIS NOVA...then we got married. ":) He spent too much time with this car. He spent too much money on this car. More so, he ignored me. I made poor choices because of things like this car and our marriage struggled because of it a several times.
I'm going to stop this story and my sorry excuses right there.
In my 19 years of marriage, I've learned that I'm thankful that IN THE BEGINNING, I encouraged and stood by my husband to seek sobriety. I can't say that I did that throughout our marriage, because I've only completely stopped drinking 9 years ago. He's been sober for 23 years. As you can tell, the numbers don't match....I put him through a very hard time for a very long time. He made it through, and I'm very proud of him, it was a tough battle and most of the time I was no help.
In my 19 years of marriage, I've also learned that people have passions. I should have encouraged my husband to spend more time on this car. I should have sat out in the garage while he worked on it, looked through grease monkey magazines to see what dreams he could have poured into it next. What color the interior was going to be. I should have fanned the flames of his passions. I didn't, I crushed them, because it was taking the place of my wants.
As the story turns out 19 years later, we have made a million terrible mistakes, but today we are both sober, in love, with two amazing boys, and we all know Jesus. Today I encourage my husband to hunt and fish to his hearts content, and I always find the money for him to capture his memories. We have 2 full bears, 6 bucks, 1 Antelope and 1 buffalo skull, and a few fish, not to mention antlers all over and skins in the freezer. In return, he loves me like no other, he encourages me, takes care of me and holds me so I can fall asleep. Life is as near perfect as it's ever been.
We took the car for a drive the other night. I looked up and noticed that my husband, in the car that I used to hate, kept the flower from the prom that he took me to, my junior year that started not only his sobriety, but our life together.
Encourage one another....