Father, I pray that Your word will pour through these people reading this. Father, I pray for these marriages, right now, in the name of Jesus. If you are currently not in their lives, God, I pray that they will ask you into their hearts right now, as a three strand cord cannot be easily broken. Holy Spirit, I would ask that you flood our spirit with Yours and present a doable package of marriage, in Jesus name. Amen.
1) You Must Both know Jesus Christ. If you both don't know Christ, you will struggle. I'm not talking about going to church, I'm talking about a relationship with Jesus. A relationship with Father God, and a relationship with the Holy Spirit. I'm talking about reading the Bible and applying it to your life. If you abide in God's word, then it will flow from you. Will you be perfect? No far from it, but your chances of lasting without this is slim. If only one of you is willing now, never give up, lead the other by setting a solid example.
2) When you marry your spouse, you become one. When you decide to get married, make sure you are old enough. Once a husband marries his wife, they leave their families and start their own. If you have to continue to rely solely on other people to support you, it will become a huge burden and challenge to bond together. Marriage is tough, and you have to have time to learn how to communicate and live together. It's time to cut ties with Mom's and Dad's as far as your relationship goes and let God form your marriage. If you're not old enough to do so, wait. If you didn't wait and are in that situation, it's time to figure out how to do so. For my husband and I, we rented a run down house with the kitchen floor caving in, but it was ours.
3) Get rid of any friendships that are not for your marriage. I've even been knocked out of friendships for this. Yes me, sometimes it's extremely hard to see what people do in marriages, and as a society most time our answer is Divorce. If you have friends that are constantly encouraging you that you should end your marriage, telling you you deserve better, then you should not be including them in your circle of close friends. Now don't go to extremes with that. If you are in an abusive relationship or your spouse is constantly committing adultery, I would assume your closest friends would be the only one's brave enough to suggest to you to get out of the relationship. What I'm referring to, is all marriages have issues. Everyone has a very long drawn out process of learning to "live together, in peace" I'm talking about normal arguments, fights, blown out of proportion arguments, and such. I'm not saying every relationship is healthy, and I'm not saying you should stay in every one. What I am saying is that you should be sure before you get married that you are going to be committed for life like your vows state, or that you have a major reason for getting out if you don't stay. I think some of these reasons include danger to your life, or your children's life, obsessive abuse, or adultery.
4) If there is an addiction, seek rehabilitation now! Stop being prideful. Addictions are extremely powerful, and anyone that has had one, knows that the addiction grabs a hold of your soul and to overcome it can take a mighty work. Stand by one another, if you went through treatment once, go again. If you can't afford it, seek help from Social Services. If you can't get help, find a hospital that can assist. If you don't have insurance find a church. Explain your situation. Find resources, there are free groups out there all over. Rehabilitation should be an absolute must. You cannot live, nor function a normal life in an addiction. Drug/Alcohol, Porn, Food, Gambling, Prescription Drugs, Addictions to people pleasing, whatever it is...it has to go. Deal with it now, deal with it often, deal with it together. Set your mind on whatever it takes, you will do. We all have an addiction of some sort. Take care of it now, and don't come up with an excuse. Do it.
5) You married the person of your dreams, everyone else is off the market! If you are married, you have no business looking, lusting, imagining, or commenting about anyone else. Your wife is your queen, your husband is your king. Build them up. You are best friends, going through this world side by side. When the rest of the world comes down on you, you have each other. That bond is not to be broken by anyone else, your marriage bed should never be defiled by anyone else. EVER. No nudie pictures, posters, air fresheners, or magazines, no lusting after movie stars. You are not in high school anymore. You are older and responsible, you are dedicated and a protector. Protect your queen from any insecurities, and protect your kings security. If you broke your wedding vows, go renew them. If you broke them again, and you both want to continue to renew them again. If there is secret darkness, bring it out in front of the light. Take responsibility. Stand before the congregation time and time again, until you can do your vows right. If you can't, God does say you can get out of the marriage. No one can withstand this type of thing.
6) Communicate! Every argument has a misunderstanding and every fight has a cause. You can disagree, but always seek to understand each other. Allow each other to openly confess what has caused the fight/misunderstanding. Don't go to bed mad or angry. Don't expect each other to do what the other person wants all the time. We all have needs and goals in life and we all have ways of debriefing stress. Allow each other to be individual at the same time. No controlling each other to simply get your way, however, if there is something that you can do to compromise without losing who you are, work for peace in the home. If your spouse is screaming about your video game usage because the house is a disaster...clean before video game. Then spouse, let them play, unless it is of course an addiction, then see #4.
7) Never point out all the things you don't have in your marriage. Listen, if you want to make your spouse feel inadequate. Immediately start talking about how the Jones have a bigger house, a better car, more well-behaved children, a new kitchen, nice clothes, etc. Let's just go ahead and say "I'm not satisfied with you because you are not enough" shall we. Seriously, stop it. We have more than most, even if you have very little. Have a spirit of thankfulness. Always. Work hard! Stop complaining, thank each other everyday for what you have. Enjoy what you have. Quit searching for more. It all rots anyway. It's your relationship that won't ever rot if you take care of it.
8) Pray on children. You don't have to wait until you can afford it, because you will get through whatever you have to, but wait until you both are ready. Kids are the most beautiful things on earth, but also one of the most challenging. You will be pulled in all directions at all times, and unless you are together on the same page, there will be stress. Even if you are on the same page, there will be stress. You are going to raise little yous. They will pull everything you did and then some. You have to set goals and follow them. You have to stick together and you have to include them in your lives. Children should be able to have input, but never make the decisions of the home. That's up to you and your spouse to provide a solid structure. Remember, you are raising yous...and they will grow up to raise their own yous someday. Spend time with them...train them TOGETHER.
9) Never cut each other down to your friends or social media. For goodness sake, you are not going to find any resources or solutions to your problems by spewing them to other people. Matter of fact, I bet it's one of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship. Keep your little snotty comments and hurts for God. He has all the answers anyway. Seriously, stop spreading your spouses dirty laundry into other homes. If you need advice, then by all means find a couple that you can trust, or a Pastor and do some accountability counseling. Whatever you do, allow those people you go to to have the ability to speak openly and don't get offended and shut them out. We all do things that aren't helping our marriages, don't shoot the messengers for helping you see them when you can't.
10) Walk side by side. Through it all, just like in the army, you never leave your battle buddy alone. They are your responsibility. Your battle buddy will go through hurts, wounds, sicknesses, hard times and emotions that will attempt to destroy them. It becomes your job to carry them. God said, it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper!
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