I could take off my belt.
This year, I chose to take off my belt. I sanded all the notches in my bedpost, I got rid of all my stamp collections of memories reminding me of why I'm not good enough, and I turned my eyes back to Christ and asked him to show me my worth. You would not believe what I saw...
the beauty of authentic vulnerability.
You see one of the reasons that we can not fathom how evil people can be forgiven by Christ is we look at people from the outside. What you see when you look at someone from the outside is all the mistakes they've made, all the wrongs that have been done. You see the clothes they wear, the hair they style, the makeup they put on. You see the homes they live in, the cars they drive, the job they have. You see the personality they portray, you see the works they do.
But you rarely see their heart.
God looks at our hearts. He doesn't see much else. He certainly isn't concerned with our money status or number of friends on Facebook, the likes we got on a post or the life we have all together. He may however be interested in our Snap chats... or what we do in the dark.
I have been struggling with "fake" for years. I push people away easily when I can sense an act. Not because I don't like them, but because in my own life, I need to get away from being fake, from being a people pleaser, and from trying to measure up, because frankly, I fail every time, when I stray from being who I was created to be.
Don't be fooled, being vulnerable is scary. It means that you are willing to open yourself up for an attack. A big one...I'm talking major rejection...like WW3. It's like walking out into a minefield and it's ever the same results....or can be, depending on how you see it.
Depending on how you see it.
What if authenticity is actually the most beautiful thing? It is! It's like being naked without shame or fear. It's being exposed in the most secret places. It's not only the freedom, but also the release. The release of fears that have been pent up inside for so long in your heart that your heart is weak and broken. It's being dependent on Christ and not on the control of people. It's being able to see love and not hatred. It's being able to go up to the Commander and embracing because even in his status he needs to know someone loves him too. It's the freedom from being shaken in sickness and pain, because you are confident that the end result will be perfect timing and not a minute too late. It's being able to advance forward and let go of things that you never had control of to begin with. It's having faith that nothing is going to spin out of control, because no one has it but Christ and he has it all together. It's the freedom to be the best, in the career you are in, because you are confident that you have exactly what it takes to do it, because you are gifted, talented and able. You stop worrying about the "mistakes" because you realize they aren't really mistakes, they are simply a set of choices, that you learn from, everyday. You don't worry about the gossip sessions, the coffee clutches or the haters...because you don't live for them anyway. You don't worry about people finding out what's in your closet, because you've already gone in and pulled everything out and are now in the process of sorting through it. It's living genuine, authentic and vulnerable. And it dawns on you, it's not scary at all...