I asked God to show me what it was that this year I needed to hear.
Nothing was working out. I normally go with my very loud, out of control, always going to be some issue family. It is always a very crazy and exhausting weekend. Typically revolving around everyone's normal A.D.D. Mannerism and it can be extremely chaotic. Everyone decided that they either all wanted to go alone this year, or they didn't know if they wanted to go, because they wanted to avoid the complete weekend drama and simply just enjoy themselves as they each wanted. I thought that might be o.k. at first, and that I might enjoy this new way of doing things, but after this year I digress, I'd rather have the drama.
It was going to be a Mother/Son weekend, but really in my heart, I knew that it was going to be a Mother Chaperoned weekend as my son has found a special friend who he cares for very much and I was going to be the third wheel. My husband and youngest Son were off on a hunting trip. I was determined, though, that God knew the plans that I didn't and I was going to try my best to be excited about what he wanted me to understand.
Next, it began to pour rain, and I don't mean a little bit, or for a little while, I mean it poured rain. By the time we got to Lifelight, which is in a farmers alfalfa field, it was now complete mud. We set us a tarp and then set off, each our own direction to find some dry ground anywhere. It was dark. I found a spot in the back of it all, in a dark corner I was alone in the dark and I prayed. 30,000 people and the talker, aka me, had no one to talk to but God. Now I was wet, full of mud, cold and alone.
Saturday was fun, it was a bit drier and a couple of the normal crew showed up and we had a fun time, I was emotionally impacted by the Drug Trafficking session that we learned about and it grabbed a hold of my heart.... I pray that I will be led to help in some way. I was also very blessed to be able to spend the evenings at my cousins home. It was warm and dry and very beautiful. We were thankful to be able to stay with them.
Sunday was the last day, It was going to be an alone day for me again. There was no one there I knew and frankly, after walking into the main gate, I decided I couldn't take wandering or sitting an entire day alone with 60,000 or more people whom I didn't know and couldn't figure out how to communicate with. My son was enjoying the last few hours with his friend, and I stayed in the truck, I napped, I read, I listened to the music and I thought about a lot of things.
If I had one take on what God was trying to show me, it was that there are many people out there, who are alone, who feel like they are 300,000 people in a room and they are not able to communicate with anyone. It's a tough feeling friends. I bet there are kids in school, next door neighbors, Facebook friends, church goers, nursing home elders, who feel like they are alone. I bet people are medicating and self medicating, and doing all sorts of destructive things, because being alone feels like such a desperate thing, sometimes we will settle for doing things that we shouldn't simply because we feel so empty.
We aren't alone, God is always with us, but sometimes we don't remember that. Sometimes many of us don't even know that.
This morning I received this message from a very close friend of mine:
A dear friend wrote this...I thought you would like it!
So, before there was Google, I would call people about stuff. I would ask my sister who sang a particular song. I'd call my mom about a story I missed on the news. Computer problems, sewing tips, recipe ingredient substitutions, child development facts..... Calling someone to find an answer was useful. Though it was usually just an excuse for calling. Maybe in the middle of our "how to get gum out of carpet' discussion we would decide to meet up for coffee, make dinner plans, go walking... So, if you get a call or text from me, and I tell you Google is down? Know that I'm just looking for a friend to share coffee with.
I cried...and then it clicked.
Google is down.
Take the time friends...not the time to clean your house, or check Facebook, or work. Take time to be with people, to share a little of your day with them, or they with you. Quit worrying about a little drama destroying your perfect day. Stop cutting people down, avoiding them, hurting them and ignoring them. Who cares what they believe or what they look like. Who cares if they lie about everything they say, who cares if they are messed up on prescription drugs, who cares if they don't do things the way you like...because one day you might find yourself with 300,000 people and feel desperately alone.
Google is down....that's a good answer.