Do you ever ponder your past, think about all the mistakes you made, or all the ways you have to change in order to stop doing what your doing now?  Do you ever wish you could just start over, or end it all?  

As a new Christian, this is exactly why I came to Christ.  I was at my end, and I needed a new beginning.  God has made us with a little taste of heaven, so that we will know who to run to when this time comes.

Do you know how I know you are included in my stories, my prayers and God's will, or how this applies to you?  Because one man died for all.  One man means Jesus, all means you.  You and I are on the same journey and same destination, with similar, yet different paths.  Because of this, we need to stop looking at ourselves as the mistakes we've made.  We need to start focusing on Christ and His miracle saving power.  Then we need to start seeing others through these same eyes.  I know, it's hard.  It' more easy for us to have Karma go after them.  But Christ's ways are not our ways, and that's why we fight it.

Do you know that our whole purpose here on earth is to reconcile relationships?  Think about it. I would have to laugh and say that last week or years prior, I was focused on myself, and distracted with hurt, and it didn't go well.  But I'm not looking to my past. This week, I've asked for wisdom and revelation, and God says, "your whole purpose is to reconcile relationships". With that nugget of information, it changes everything. Because of Jesus, I am a new creation, my friends.  Today is a brand new day, with brand new lessons.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:  that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
~2 Corinthians 5:16-21

The picture included in today's post is courtesy of Barb Wyman.  Thanks Barb!

Amazing God Moment...and I just want to share it with you.  Actually it just occurred, so I'm not even sure how to present it yet, hot of the press, fresh tears in my eyes.

Everyone should have those couple people in our lives that we can just vent to, share absolutely everything, emotions, feelings, and issues without fear of what they are going to say once you hang up the phone, or walk away, or if they are going to stop being your friend.

For me, it's a little different.  I'm pouring out my heart, my soul and my daily struggles to not only friends that know me, but also a group of people that don't.  I only see what my heart feels, and I don't always stop to see what picture it's painting in your eyes. At some point when you don't get feedback from others, it's easy to feel like you are the only one going through it.  Like your life is really messed up, that you can't seem to handle even day to day things.

Yesterday, in an amazing vent session, the words "Ang you are ordinary" came up.  You would have to know my mind to know what went on here, but maybe like yours, I internalized this in a negative way.  It wasn't intended that way and it wasn't spoken that way.  It actually reflected truth, but as I told you before Satan has a way of twisting things in our heads.  So after reflecting on how ordinary I was, all of a sudden my passion to write started to fade.  If I'm just ordinary then no one really needs to hear what I have to say, I'm just wasting my breath. I'm simply an annoyance to these people that I share my heart with.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID WHEN I FOCUSED ON ME AND WHAT I COULD DO.

This morning I got up and I actually said, "God, can you please share with me...again....what my purpose is.  How can I possibly touch anyone, just being me?"

I jump on Facebook as I often do, to see how everyone is and I have a message. 
"You are a kingdom shaker. A voice in the darkness. The world is longing to drink from the fountain that flows in your thoughts and writings."

God never misses a beat does He.  He always knows our thoughts and He always has the answer.

Let me have a heart to heart with you.  I am ordinary...just a girl...looking to seek out God's will. Today that all means something completely different to me.  God is amazing, He can use a simple little someone like me, with my roller coaster emotions, my simple ordinary life, my daily interactions with people and the lessons He's taught me, and turn them into something beautiful.  God does that...He uses ordinary people to do HIS EXTRAORDINARY things.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.

Publishing a self help Christian Bio was definitely a hard thing for me.  First off, it's not this big professional psychologist with years of experience writing it.  It's not this famous writer Stephen King, and it is the Authors first one.  No idea what she's doing.  Plus, inside holds the deepest darkest moments of her life and she's going to expose it to the world to be ridiculed.  It's scary stuff.  I even held back from the most raw moments because I couldn't bare to share those pains at that time.

Stepping forward, as hard as this one was, I'm working on number two.  This time instead of focusing on Depression, which God has brought me out of, I'm focusing on FORGIVENESS.  I am well aware of the pain that it brings up to have to forgive someone for hurting you.  Sometimes Christians talk about how easy it is to forgive.  Nonsense, it's one of the hardest things I've had to do.  Matter of fact, I only seem to be good at forgiveness when both parties are seeking it.  It's much harder for me when the party that has hurt me, is not seeking restoration, but just left me for dead.  It's not easy.  

I am famous for retreating when I get hurt, it's my wounded dog reaction.  Truth be told, I much rather communicate behind these computer walls.  I can carefully choose my words to build you up, to share a story without messing up and if you hate it or me, I can't see it.  My heart is to encourage, but sometimes I get in the way.  I love writing, it comes out in truth, without defense.  I love talking to you everyday, even if I don't hear back.

The last couple weeks, I had several blows to my character.  I am going through a professional issue, and personal issues.  All of them in regards to relationship with others.  It's not going the greatest, and I've been drained for quite some time.  It's hard to be positive when you are drained.  You can put on that fake smile and pretend all is well, or you can dig deep into God's heart and find the cause in your own.  You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone, except Jesus.  If you put your heart up to his heart, you can set some goals.  Having faith is the key to overcoming depression, I mentioned it in my first book, and it's true.  You have to keep your eyes focused on Christ, or the blow of the enemy, who is out to destroy your life, will feel detrimental.   You have to know that God says, "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO HARM YOU, to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.  He also says, I will never leave you or forsake you.  Believing that is faith, knowing that whatever happens as a result of the enemy or others, God has your back and He has something waiting for you on the other side.  Sometimes you have to take away your negativity, however, before you will see it.

I'm going to tell you that forgiveness isn't easy, it takes all you have.  Most things do if you want them bad enough, but once you are over the hill of the overcoming part, it's smooth sailing from there.....at least until the next lesson comes ;)

Hang in their friends, we are in it together.

You know, really, I believe God is working on me. Like when Satan goes to God in the Book of Job and says, let me rough this guy up, let me see what I can throw at him that will turn this guy against you.  God says go ahead, you can do anything but hurt Job.  So things fall apart in Job's life and Job doesn't turn against God.  Then Satan comes again and says, let me hurt Job and he will turn against you.  God says, go ahead and do anything but kill him....  You gotta read the rest of the story to find out what happens.....Job 38 on gives me massive goosebumps!

Ok, I'm being a little over dramatic about how bad Satan is attacking me right now, but I'm laying a foundation.  

So really, I'll be honest, I want to drop the FBomb this last week.  I want to lose all sense of everything I know and I want to go out, and I want to have a weekend out with "the girls." I want to spit fire back and I want to say exactly what my flesh wants me to say.  I want to completely lose all sense of responsibility and be not responsible.  I want to act like everyone else, because everyone that acts like that always ends up getting their way it seems.

But I can't.

I thought about the reasons why I can't.  My first response was, ok, here we go again, the Christian is supposed to be the one to act better.  The Christian is the one that is supposed to be calm and forgiving, understanding and tolerant.  Pray for those people the persecute them.  Yea, go ahead, it's always the Christians that get stepped on, walked over, persecuted and told that we are the terrible ones.  Speak the word of God and you are either a "hater of people", "an unfair judge" "a cult member like David Koresh" or "religious and stuck up".   Try really hard to live your life right in front of people and you are "taking it too far".  Yea...whatever!

Until I thought a little more.

If I do the things that I want to do, the things that would seem right to make me feel better...then I've only allowed hate to win.

It's not that I can't respond, react, or behave however I want, I can...and sometimes I do.  But the problem is, I won't solve anything, I'll only make it worse.

So for today, I will choose to pray, choose to believe God has a plan, choose to trust His word, I will hide myself in His quiet place and I will choose to accept the situation that is before me as a path to overcoming one more issue in my life.

If I didn't tell you, I hate Satan, more than I hate confrontation...and I certainly am not on his team, nor do I want him to win.

Besides, Jesus wins, I read the end of the book.  

Take  your confrontation with your eyes focused on Christ friends and be proud of the fact you will go along way!

Love to you!
Ang

For several days the storms have come through our area, but prior to each storm are these amazing looking clouds with God's light shining through them.  I've been snapping pictures like crazy!  

Yesterday I caught a picture of God's promise.

Whatever storm you might be going through, no matter how big it seems, you will always find God's light shining through.  And you can be sure that his promise to you is true.

Be at peace my friends, you are amazing.

Ok, I admit it, that's Lady Gaga's line.  As she pumps out lyrics telling us not to worry about how we live or who we are, you get a sense of feeling like you are ok in life, that all the stuff that has come against you does not matter, because Baby you were born this way!  We love Lady Gaga, she's bold, unpredictable and massively entertaining and we can't get enough of her.

But is she speaking Truth?

When I go seeking for Truth, I always go to the Bible.  It is the only book out there that can't be proven wrong, and doesn't hurt anyone by following it.  I just feel that with all the conflicting information out there, with all the opinions, with all the disagreements, it becomes cluttered noise in my ear and I can't tell right from wrong anymore.  Therefore, I go ask God.

Friends, in truth, you were all born in Christ, to have a relationship with Him, to have a journey with Him, and most of all to be loved by Him.  We are also all born with the ability to be affected by sin, and we are, younger than you would like to believe and continually throughout our lives.  I've come to believe that we are not able to have free will without the sin nature.  Although it would be nice for God to get rid of sin, in doing so he would ultimately get rid of our ability to make a choice. 

We all have different temptations, all surrounded by the same sin nature.  It may look different, but it's all the same.  "Sin" in God's eyes.  One is not worse than the other, although in our world they might have different consequences by law.  We all struggle with the same nature, and the only way to be saved from any of them, is a relationship with Jesus and the knowledge of God's word.  If you don't take time to read the Bible, or if you ignore it because you don't like what it says, it's still the Truth.

So the truth of the matter is, maybe Lady Gaga is sharing some Truth, maybe she is correct when she says, no matter who you are "you were born this way."  Be careful, though, that you don't TWIST the truth, and think that it's ok to live in sin...  You can live in sin, it's your freewill choice, but by doing so, you are leading others down that path, and making a choice to be eternally separated from the one you were born for baby.

RaRa Oh La LA!   :)  Have a great day friends!  You are LOVED!

The primary English speaking room was consumed, listening to the new sounds of "Let it Rain" now being sung in Spanish.  First one stood up, then another, until the entire church had risen to worship, worshipping to Christ, first in English, then in Spanish, but in Unity.

I am not sure if you are able to worship in your churches or not, I consider us blessed because we have a major emphasis in ours with worship.  We start every service for God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit.   It is all about them, all about One, and it is all about seeking them until our eyes are fixed on only that.  Everything else fades away.  Yesterday something happened in worship, and I am going to try to paint you a picture of what it felt like to worship with those that don't speak the same language.  

Some people believe in talking in tongues, others do not, but if I had any doubt, I'm positive it sealed the deal for me yesterday as I watched a Puerto Rican prayer warrior pray over our church.  She kept telling us to keep our eyes focused on Jesus.  No matter what things look like with our natural eyes, keep focused. That we could be ordinary people with no degree, or no social standing and all we needed was to use our gifts for the purpose of God's kingdom.  We are all able.

Next, after our English worship, we had a beautiful Puerto Rican worship team come up, we sat listening as our worship team joined in with their worship team.  It was almost like speaking in tongues, but you understood it.  The atmosphere began to shift and you could feel it.  It went from being entertained, to being captivated by God's heart.  As we are so often, we were worshipping with different races, Native American, White, Puerto Rican, Filipino, and others...joining together in one song, lifting worship to the King.  As I said before, one member of the congregation stood, then another, and another until we were all united in worship.  The atmosphere became so united that people began to simply weep.  Not because they were sad or depressed, but thankful, overwhelmed with the love, overwhelmed with God's continual goodness. Overwhelmed with peace, overwhelmed with joy.  The hands were raised to heaven, the volume of the voices grew louder, whether it was the English voices, the Spanish voices, or the voices of the angels, I do not know.

That's what singing with angels feels like....

We have succeeded in taking 10 simple rules and twisting them into a million little pieces to fit every possible situation that we could twist out of 10 simple rules.  What a crazy train!

I assist with creating policies.  Sometimes I wonder why we have to keep creating them.  Many conversations around the discussion table are about ethics and moral issues and the same sentence comes forth "that should be common sense". 

Of course, I needed to ponder this today.  Let's take a look at two things.  
1) What is a law?
2) What is common sense?

First the Mirriam-Webster's online dictionary defines law as:
The whole system or set of rules made by the government of a town, state, country, etc.

Second the Mirriam-Webster's online dictionary defines common sense as:
The ability to think and behave in a reasonable way and to make good decisions


That in itself confuses me with how we operate today.  First off, who gets to create the laws?  Why do we trust them.  People as we know are flawed, we make mistakes all the time.  We have decided that we entrust a bunch of people that are elected, or have the most money, to make our decisions for us.  Then we tell everyone to use "common sense" which is their own opinion of how they choose to live their life.  It is a vicious circle.  Where is stable ground?  Where is truth?

If you wonder why I preach on the Bible so much is because it holds the 10 rules that ultimately are the easiest to follow, yet people don't like to follow them.  People end up twisting and turning them to fit their wants, desires and needs and then they call them "laws".  It amazes me that we can't even follow the 10 a perfect God gave us, so how do we anticipate following the millions flawed people have been created since?

Take a moment to read them:  See what you think...do you think that you can base the foundation of your life around these as law?  I'm interested in your thoughts.

Ten Commandments for the Covenant Community

Then God gave the people all these instructions

2 “I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery.

3 “You must not have any other god but me.

4 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. 5 You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. 6 But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those[b] who love me and obey my commands.

7 “You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God. The Lord will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name.

8 “Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 You have six days each week for your ordinary work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy.

12 “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

13 “You must not murder.

14 “You must not commit adultery.

15 “You must not steal.

16 “You must not testify falsely against your neighbor.

17 “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.”

18 When the people heard the thunder and the loud blast of the ram’s horn, and when they saw the flashes of lightning and the smoke billowing from the mountain, they stood at a distance, trembling with fear.

19 And they said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen. But don’t let God speak directly to us, or we will die!”

20 “Don’t be afraid,” Moses answered them, “for God has come in this way to test you, and so that your fear of him will keep you from sinning!”

21 As the people stood in the distance, Moses approached the dark cloud where God was.

Proper Use of Altars

22 And the Lord said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: You saw for yourselves that I spoke to you from heaven. 23 Remember, you must not make any idols of silver or gold to rival me.

24 “Build for me an altar made of earth, and offer your sacrifices to me—your burnt offerings and peace offerings, your sheep and goats, and your cattle. Build my altar wherever I cause my name to be remembered, and I will come to you and bless you. 25 If you use stones to build my altar, use only natural, uncut stones. Do not shape the stones with a tool, for that would make the altar unfit for holy use. 26 And do not approach my altar by going up steps. If you do, someone might look up under your clothing and see your nakedness.

What do you say when someone calls you a fake?  What do you do when people say things falsely about you?  What do you do when people walk away?  

Welcome to the Show

Yesterday I had a friend visit and she shared that she ran across an old party friend of mine.  She stated this friend called me a Christian fake.  It prompted me to want to visit with you this morning a little bit about how my life has changed, and that I can understand why someone would say that.

First off, I didn't grow up a Christian.  I grew up with alcohol, drugs, boys and parties.  I eventually owned my own bar and enjoyed Coyote Ugly as much as the next.  I was Karaoke crazed, and I fit in excellent, because I was always the instigator for finding the "most fun".  The bar wasn't always packed, but it was always loud and we never shut down until the very absolute last moment and then would turn around and do it again.  I had lots of friends and we did as we pleased.  I was always invited to go out and I always went.

Welcome to the Show

Eventually my chosen lifestyle caught up to me and the bottom fell out of my life.  I was in so deep I didn't know how to get out and I was having so much fun, I don't know if I wanted to, but as I looked around I realized that everything I had was not worth what I was giving up.

After the biggest bout of non-medicated, untreated, suicidal depression I've ever felt, my Mom drug me off to see a Pastor.  

From the moment I walked into that tin building of a church, my life changed. It wasn't a fancy church, it wasn't a church with a steeple and it wasn't bling and glamour, but it was real inside.  People worshipped Jesus with all their hearts, they prayed, they believed and they had a desire to see lives changed.  I didn't know how to be a Christian, but I could maybe start acting like it.  I quit smoking, drinking, dressing inappropriately, I quit watching R rated movies, stopped listening to inappropriate music.  I stopped going to the bars and started a Bible Study.  And no one understood....not even me.

Welcome to the Show

People in my life walked away, they stopped calling, stopped inviting, and I cried and grew into a larger depression.  Frankly, though, I made up in my mind, I didn't care, because it made it easier to try to live a Christian life.  There were lots of people my age at this church.  I didn't feel like I fit in, because I lived a whole different lifestyle than they did, but I was determined I was going to try.

Welcome to the Show

I continued to learn about Christ, I continued to give my life to him, my family gave their lives to Christ and life continued to get better.  My perspective changed, my lifestyle changed. My church friends became my family, some of my past friends returned.  My family got stronger, we overcame hardship.  A once near destructive life, was made whole again.  We were now functioning, having fun, and loving life.  My marriage was restored, my life was restored.  My children would see a better life.

I smile when someone from my past calls me a fake... it reminds me of how amazing God is and what amazing transformations he can do in people's lives.  We are all a different story, with the same possibility for transformation endings...

Welcome to the Show

Dear Bully,

Your job is to tear me down, make me question myself, make me feel like things are my fault.

Today I forgive you.  

Today I release all the anger I felt, the hurt your actions caused, and the resentment I feel that leads to revenge.

Today I ask the Holy Spirit to soften my heart, come into my life and guide my days.  Today I promise that I will walk out the way God has asked and in doing so I know that it will work out.  I know it won't be easy and I know the voices will tell me I'm justified.  I won't listen to the voices, but will take a chance on the leading of the Spirit. 

I won't worry about what tomorrow will bring, but I will focus on each hour of today and be intentional in how I'm going to live that hour out.  

I'm going to seek ways to learn to trust God and I know that it's going to seem difficult, but it will release God's perfect plan.  I know it doesn't take two people to do God's will, that's it's only between God and I.

By doing so, I take away any power the enemy had over me or you, and we will know that today, we've been forgiven.

That's the power of Christ.
In Jesus Name,
Amen