Breakthrough is possible.  Regardless of what you are going through, regardless of what you think will happen, regardless of the length of time it takes to get there.  It's possible.

There has been a lot of times in life that I've curled up like a ball and cried out to God in situations I didn't think I would ever get through.  Some personal issues were life long, some recent situations, but all of them led to that same dreaded feeling.  Anxiety.

Anxiety comes as a result of uncertainty.  We don't know what will happen, we can't see what will happen, and right now, what is happening is bad!

Faith says, I trust God with my life, I trust God with answers, I trust God with breakthrough and I trust God that he will turn this around for my good.

It's a faith battle.

I love the story about Jacob, I reference it a lot.  Jacob wrestled with God and won.  Does that mean that Jacob beat up God?  Ha ha... no... it means that Jacob had a faith battle.  Everything in him was Anxiety, but when he grabbed a hold of God and determined that there was breakthrough for him as long as he held on to Faith he would overcome!  Jacob wrestled with his own insecurity, his own nature, he wrestled with anxiety and he WON the battle through FAITH.

What battle do you need to wrestle God for?

Genesis 32:24-28
So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.  When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.  Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

I think as we get into 2015 I see some things, now that I'm in my 40s that I would not be aware of in my 20s.  One thing I see is growing old lonely.  Let me explain.

We are so busy trying to make some sort of impact in the world that we forget to take time from the really important things. Like our own family.

My Mom and I went to go visit my Grandpa, who lives in assisted living.  We didn't have Thankgiving turkey or ham, mash potatoes and gravy, cranberries and 3 types of desert with him.  We had a cup of coffee and 3 games of skipbo.  My Mom won one game, I won one game and Grandpa won one game.  When he won his eyes lit up, he smiled real big and he said, I sure am glad you girls came to see me today!  

We also visited with another gentleman while we were there. He loved to talk about the good ol days.  When he did, his memory was as sharp as a tack!   We visited with a lady who was excited her daughter brought her lipstick so she looked more "alive" she said.  A lady and her child came in because one of the workers there couldn't celebrate thanksgiving at home, so instead they came to see her.  The 30 yr old mom and 6 yr old daughter did somersaults in the halls together.  

But that's the only family I saw come in while we were there.

It's amazing what becomes more important to us.

When I was younger, I had a type writer and would dream of writing a scary book like Stephen King.  Or perhaps a lawyer, or dancer like Paula Abdul, I dreamed of being someone exciting.  Someone that would make a difference in the world.  I'd write a book and sell lots of copies, I'd sign them with special God moment messages and help the world.  As of late, I realized that I don't have time to keep up with the world, because the most important thing in my life is right here in my home and my heart.  

I am making a big impact on the world...keeping my eyes on Jesus and following his plan for me.

​I hope you do to!

Today is a day to be thankful.  To put all cares and worries aside and focus on the things that make us face the next day.  

For me, it starts with Jesus.  Some times we just don't feel thankful.  Things have gone terribly wrong in our lives and we just can't think of anything to be thankful for.  That's when your eyes should go to the blood of Christ and all it has done for us.

If you've accepted Christ as your savior, it's because you've realized what that blood has done for you.  It is something that nothing can take the place of.  It covers and forgives wrongs, it gives fresh starts, it repairs what is damaged, it reconciles that which has separated, it loves, it protects, it provides a safe trip to eternity.

If you haven't accepted Christ as your savior, the blood provides you the opportunity to do so, at your freewill and choice.  Without pressure, without condemnation, without force you can make the choice to have freedom, life and forgiveness.

I'm thankful.  Even when I don't feel like it.

I'm thankful for you.

Here is to you and your family.  For all that today provides, even if it is simply hope for something more.

You are amazing.  Even when you don't feel like it.

Happy Thanksgiving!
​ 

I couldn't help it.  I just had a God Moment.  I wanted to share it with you.

My salesman sitting across from me just said.  "You need to come to MN in subzero weather to appreciate 50 degrees".

I smiled.  It's true.  

Sometimes in life we have a lot we choose to complain about until we have to go through it. Sometimes we think we have the answer and we give people bad advice simply because we don't have the experience to understand it.  Sometimes we believe we have the proper perspective until we actually have to deal with it, then in our experience we see that it's not as we preached.

It's amazing to stay in God's will.  Basically that means that no matter what we go through, we don't have to have the answers, but we do have to have the faith.

I have someone very close to me that deals with anxiety due to health issues.  In my own loving perspective, I sometimes raised my voice and demanded.  YOU NEED TO GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH WHY YOU ARE AFRAID OF DYING. EVENTUALLY YOU WILL DIE!!!  YOU WON'T STOP IT.  In the last couple years, I myself have been dealing with anxiety.  Now anxiety is only good if it's for a moment, not for years.... so I haven't been very diligent with addressing it with God.  Recently I had a huge realization of how damaging it can be.  I also realized that what I had been preaching to my loved one was so not the way to handle it.

I love that I'm still humble in learning.  I'm thankful that God never gives up teaching.  

You'll never appreciate 50 degree weather, until you've dealt with subzero temperatures in MN....

It's true...I might not complain about God's lessons next time.  Maybe I will.  But regardless, he will show me how to be compassionate towards someone that doesn't understand it.

Everyday is not moonlight and roses.  Let's face it.  Some days you just don't feel like doing anything.  When my son gets angry and I have the "mother talk" with him, I say.  "Are you still angry" and he says "what do you expect, I'm just supposed to start singing for joy after I'm upset just because of words".

He's being truthful.

Sometimes it takes a little journey for us to understand why our feelings don't match up to our thankfulness.  Sometimes we need a little time with God.  Does that mean there is something wrong with us, and that a good talking to will change your mood?

Not always.

I like that our hearts can be challenged, but that we can still come to God with thankfulness.  We can still say, "God, today I feel like life stinks, but I'm thankful that you are taking care and working things out."  

We have feelings.  And having a million people tell you that you can't live by your feelings can make you crazy.  It does me.  Because it's who I am.  Well then you say, "You are not disciplined, You are not living for God, You are not going to succeed if you live by your feelings.  You are wrong.  Well you might believe that.  But I don't.  I believe I'm pretty successful in God's eyes, even if you think you have to fix me.

I love my feelings, feelings of love, feelings of joy, feelings of thankfulness, feelings of compassion.  

I don't so much love my feelings of anxiety, of fear, of hurt.  But out of those feelings, I have learned how to overcome, how to press on, how to persevere.  I've also learned how to be bitter, how to withdraw and how to be depressed.  So you have to be careful.  Not all feelings are helpful.

The key is to get in God's truth.  Come to God with prayer and thankfulness.  God hears you.  Regardless if you are pouting, or emotional or having a rough day.  There is no special way you have to come to God.  He is there at all times.  But if you want your heart to change...you should come to him with thankfulness for all he has done, and all he is about to do.

It's a Faith thing....

I struggle with forgiveness.  I do.  Mostly because I have an idea in my own head what forgiveness looks like.  When I think of God's forgiveness, I think of a warm embrace, no issues, the past is resolved, nothing remains but love.

Perhaps that is the true forgiveness, and perhaps that is obtainable, but there are few times that when forgiveness was attempted, in my life, it didn't look like this.

During the darkest time of my life, my Pastor suggested that I seek forgiveness from a person that hurt me so deeply, there was no chance I could do it.  He told me that in the scriptures  where it teach us how to pray, we are told  "forgive us our trespasses, AS WE FORGIVE those that trespass against us. He said if I didn't do it, I couldn't be forgiven.  I was devastated to say the least.  This was the same person that made me loose my will to live at one point in my life.  How could I?  But if I couldn't be forgiven by God unless I forgave this person, than I had no choice.

I picked up the phone.  I dialed the number.  I gulped as this person picked up.  I said... "I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you."  This person said, "you didn't do this for me, you did it for yourself!" and hung up the phone.  She was right....

Was this forgiveness?

Another time I begged forgiveness from someone in our church who felt I had done her wrong.  I honestly still don't know what I did, but because of me, she left our church.  I begged her for a couple years to forgive whatever it was I did, I attempted through emails, texts, facebook to undo the wrong I did, even though I didn't know what wrong it was.  She finally responded after several years....  "I've forgiven you along time ago, now don't contact me again...."

Was this forgiveness?

One time God showed me, in a dream, an individual that hurt me worse than anyone ever, who had falling in a deep pit.  I believe the pit was hell...it was a very scary dream.  She was screaming like I've never heard anyone scream before in my life.  Her nails were clawing deep into the sides of the pit, bleeding.....trying not to fall in.... I ran, I dove, I grabbed her wrists and I pulled with all my might.  I would never let her fall in there...NEVER, I would try to save her.  

Was that forgiveness?

Sometimes forgiveness might not look like what we would like it to look like.  Bottom line is, when you think it is unobtainable, try to think if this person was in a life and death situation.  Would you save them?  If so, than forgiveness is obtainable and it's worth the effort.

Remain steadfast.  What does that mean to you?   I received a text from a friend the other day and she asked me if I thought she was having a mental breakdown.  Stress can do that to a person.  I could relate.  I've been going through some interesting challenges this past year.  Most days I'm hanging by a thread just to get myself to go to church.  Panic attacks, not wanting to see people.  Not trusting people.  Dealing with all sorts of rejection, hurts, lies, frustration.  No I told her, you are not having a mental breakdown, and neither was I.

I read about the Navy SEALs.  I remember watching a TV program about what they have to go through to become a SEAL.  I believe they go through very intense training and testing.  They are not allowed to get much, if any sleep, or food.  They are pushed mentally and physically past their breaking points.  They are made to do physically challenging assignments while under massive fatigue.  

At any time they are given the option to ring a bell three times and say "I quit".

Remember Job in the Bible.  The one that God allowed Satan to test over and over and over again.  Satan destroyed all that Job had, his family, his livestock, his home.  Job was left with nothing but a wife that told him to QUIT.

Is that what you are thinking?  I quit?  

Before you ring that bell, I want to tell you what is awaiting you if you don't give up.  If these SEALs make it through their hell week, they are deemed the toughest human beings in the world.

When Job didn't give up, he endured the toughest time of his life and was restored 7 times what Satan stole from him.  Job was a might man of Valor in God's eyes.

If we allow God to work in our lives while we are going through these times, God will transform us into the most steadfast spiritual followers of Christ, armed with boldness and wisdom.  
​
Don't ring that bell... God's not through with you yet.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

The voice was calm, matter of fact, and loving..."you won't get to heaven".  I screamed GOD!  YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I CAN'T GET THROUGH THIS! With tears flooding my face, and  with a heart so heavy I couldn't think anymore, I begged, "please make an exception for me! I can't do this...it's not fair.  I can't live like this.  Why does "their actions" determine my place in heaven."  "God please...."I sobbed.... "please."  I hung my head down curled up in a tight little ball, and I rocked back and forth, "please" I whimpered.  My grip on the pill bottle was tight.  The voice came once again, this time I realized who was speaking "audibly" to me.  His voice was calm, matter of fact, and loving... "you won't get to heaven."  The air was still, there was no movement, only decision.  It was enough time for me to reflect.  I thought of what that meant.  I won't get to heaven.  Then what was the point? If God was going to close the door on the only place I wanted to go, then what was I doing?  I returned the pill bottle.  I grabbed a rosary instead, I held it so tight it nearly cut my palms open.  I'm not Catholic, but the symbol of the cross and Jesus on it, soothed me.  I cried harder than I ever had, crawled under my bedding and sobbed myself to sleep.

I've never considered suicide since that day.  Never.  I've learned through that moment I had with God that no matter how tough things are, (and they got worse from there) there was nothing that would separate me from the love of God.

I've gotten into a lot of hard discussions since that time and because of my story.  People saying I'm insensitive, or that I don't know where people go if they commit suicide, loved ones angry because of what God said to me.  And I want to say right off the bat.  I would be a liar if I told you I knew where someone went to spend their eternity.  I don't know.  I am not suggesting by my story, that suicide is a ticket to hell.  I am saying however, that I know it is not a golden ticket to heaven.  I am saying that that is what God spoke to 'me'.

I cringe when I hear speakers of the beautiful child that took their life say in front of a group of hundreds of depressed and hurting children's ears... "they are in a better place, where there is no pain, no sorrow."  My insides scream silently but loud enough to damage my ear drums internally. "YOU DON"T KNOW THAT...YOU ARE LYING TO THEM!!!"   Do I believe this child is in hell? ABSOLUTELY NOT!  What I am saying is that this speaker just planted the thought into hundreds of children's heads, that the answer to their hurts, pain, depression, frustrations, rejections, hormones, problems, is a golden ticket to heaven.

The same message was hidden in a tub of kool-aid. Jim Jones (the pastor figure) convinced his followers that in their home in Jonestown, they were going to make the journey to heaven together and create their own rapture.  Jim Jones twisted God's word and convinced these beautiful people they would go to heaven.  He lied.  We don't know where anyone is after this world.  God knows.

The same message is hidden in the bomb of those that are convinced by their earthly leaders that if they go into a crowded place and detonate the bomb killing themselves and unsuspecting others, that God will take them to heaven.  It's a lie, we don't know where this bomber and all these people went.  Suicide isn't a golden ticket to heaven.

I read about Judas in the Bible stricken with grief so great because he betrayed Jesus, that he took his own life.  We don't know where Judas is. God knows.

I read about the rich man in hell and Lazarus in Paradise and that he begged Lazarus to take away his pain and thirst, to go back to his family and warn them that there was a hell, and that he was in it, begged Abraham to go back to the world and tell his family truth.  But the answer was, if they didn't believe then, they won't believe now.

Friends, please don't misunderstand my message.  I am not saying that those that have made the choice to commit suicide have a one way ticket to hell.  What I am saying is that they did not have a golden ticket to heaven.  It's like a game tagged "Russian roulette."  The only Golden ticket is our love for Jesus Christ.  You see what I didn't know back in my own dark moment, was that by grabbing that rosary, symbolically and what I understand now, is that God showed me that he paid the price for my sin.  He paid the price for my depression.  He paid the price for the sin of those that had hurt me so severely they had taken my will to live.  Jesus poured out his blood for my pain, my frustrations, my rejection, my fears, my torments, my wrong choices, my wrongs... he paid the price to save me.

I can't even get through this blog without thankfulness, without shaking, without crying.  God is good.  He does a lot with our mistakes that I could never image why. Except he loves us.  He loves the Jim Jones, the Judas, the Suicide Bombers, the lost souls that have no will to live.  He paid the price for all of us to come to Jesus.  If we don't have Jesus, we have death.

So the ticket to heaven is not suicide.  The golden ticket to heaven is Jesus.  That is the message that we should be sharing at all funerals, at all counseling session, at all moments we talk with our hurting friends and family.  Strangers that need a hand... The Golden ticket to heaven is Jesus.  He shall be the deciding factor of where we spend eternity.  

Luke 16:19-31 NIV

The Rich Man and Lazarus

“There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

“The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried.  In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side.  So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.  And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family,  for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

“Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

“‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

“He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

I am crazy about self help books.  Crazy about them!  I love reading and learning and absorbing how I can become a better person.  I study this and get excited and try it, then I study that and get excited and try it.  As soon as I figure out how to do something, a new and improved self help book comes out with a new and improved way of doing things with the new generation!  Oh life is so full of knowledge! 

Knowledge of how to be just like someone else, or who someone else says you should.

Did you know that some famous people have people who are hired to follow them around like crazy fans to create an image that we buy into!  We see everything flocking to them and we want to love them too.  We dream of what it is like to be rich and famous, live in a house with a 100 different rooms, Servants at their feet taking care of their every need.  There is even self help books that teach you how to get it.  If you just "follow this simple system" you can be just like them!

I had a talk with my son the other day.  A serious one.  He is having some trouble with one of his grades in school.  We got down to the root and source of the issue, not to mention it's college algebra in a junior year, but we uncovered some things.  On thing in particular, was that very strong in my husband and my hearts are to allow our boys to grow up to be who they want.  We don't push them, we don't instruct them, we maybe suggest some ideas, but we will be 100% behind who they choose.  There are things that are important that if they get tough, we have to keep pushing forward, but if they are not important to us, and we are just doing it to please someone else, we need to let them go.

Life is so short to live someone else's life or for someone else.  Unless that someone else is Christ.  To be happy in life, we have to listen to that inner voice that helps instruct us and teach us.  We have to get into the words and listen to how God speaks.  Proverbs speak of wisdom, Psalms speak of worship, the parables teach us lessons.  Living for Christ does not make us want to sin, it doesn't make us want to be someone else, it doesn't make us worry about money or being rich.  It teaches each of us how to live in the way we were created and of the desires of our hearts.  It's one in the same.  God is for us, he knows your design, and how to get you to where you want to be.  Self help books can't do that.  They may tug at your heart strings, but only God's word can be 100% all about you.

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Morning God, thank you that you created me to be me.  Thank you that when I ask the questions, you provide the answers.  Thank you for showing me that I am special and have purpose in your eyes.  Thank you for creating me in your image and in your likeness so I can explore and be a part of all that you have for me.  In Jesus name. AMEN

The headlines caught my attention this morning.  MSN Sports headline reads "Holm shatters Rousey mystique with stunning KO."  As I read the article, I thought, wow, how easily we love someone, we play them all up, we support them, we encourage them, we call them "the one".  We put our faith in them, we talk about them at the coffee tables, around the bar stools, in the office.  Then someone else comes around, and all of a sudden in one second, your superhero status turns into old news and you are now referred to as a "has been".

Have you ever felt like a "has been"?  Did you ever have someone invest time in you.  Believing in you, lifting you up, but then someone else came along that they liked better and you were forgotten.  I remember as a child, my step-dad would say I would never amount to anything.  He'd say "who do you think you are?" that was his favorite line when I was in trouble or if I dare say anything during one of his outrageous anger bouts.  

Maybe like me, you are still searching for purpose.  Maybe you thought you found your purpose, but it wasn't successful so you gave up?  Maybe you were told you were good at something and people started investing in you, but someone else came along and your support stopped.  Maybe you are a undefeated Ronda Rousey, but someone like Holly Holm came along who watched you carefully, and learned your moves, and then came in and played their cards right and left you in the dust.  A Christian political friend told me one time.  You have to be careful who you listen to, some people just want to build you up so they can get you to do what they want from you and that's it.  Flattery is dangerous in the mouths of some.

I want to tell you something about a Christian life that I've learned.  You are supposed to love people, but you can not put your trust in them.  You must put your trust in Christ instead.  Did you ever notice that there is no one in the Bible, that I can think of, that had a huge defining moment and then God forgot all about them?  Never...God never left any one behind that loved Him.  They may have had to go through some hard times, but he never let them be a "has been".  Read the stories of the Bible.  Even the children's version if the Big Bible is too hard for you yet.  Look at how God never puts you in a place where you can fail.  The world does that.  So who do you trust, the world, who quickly turns their back as soon as someone new comes along to help and entertain them, or God, who puts you on his team, and sees to it, that you finish strong, who will never leave you, or forsake you.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Morning God,  Thank you that you see us as race runners.  Thank you that you do not tell us we need to beat anyone in this race, or compete with anyone in this race.  Thank you that you just ask us to complete and endure our race set before us.  Thank you that you never set us up to fail, thank you that when you will complete the good work you started in us and you will never drop us or look at us as a "has been".  Thank for believing in us and encouraging us to run our races.  In Jesus Name, AMEN