I used to teach in Bible Study. When I first started, I was so on fire to share what God was speaking to me that I would jot message after message on paper. Lots of separate pieces as the messages would come in. Sticky notes, notebook paper, envelops, my hands. The words would just flood in. It was very exciting! Sometimes I would jot parts of the message that never seemed to fit the rest of the message, like I had went off on a rabbit trail, but I would leave it in there, because if God spoke it, it must have a reason...or perhaps I'm just scattered brained. The day before the lesson, I would sit down with all my notes and sentences and I would put it all together in a nice little message, I would type it out, and I would hand them out to all the members at Bible Study. I would begin teaching the lesson that God had prepared for me, and it would never fail, somewhere in the middle of the lesson, right where that part where I thought I went on a rabbit trail, someone would ask a question out of left field, and I would get a look of shock on my face. There in the mist of the lesson, God had known and accounted for this person that would ask the left field question, and HE provided an answer. He did this time and time again and I would leave study in awe. It was like the scripture that said not to "worry about what you would say" because God puts the words in your mouth. People would come up after the lesson and say to me, "if I didn't know better, I would have thought someone told you about my week. Like you were teaching the lesson just for me." Then the youth Pastor would come out and we would share stories about God lessons and they were eerily similar! Only God could pull that off!!!
I quit teaching Bible Study.
You might ask yourself why would anyone quit anything that was so amazing? I quit because I started listening to people and stopped listening to God. I began to loose my passion and I began to let doubt creep in. The chisel started by simply no one asking any questions during Bible Study. I would leave and wait to get into the car and cry because "they didn't think it was any good". Next, I would say something like "we have the power in us" during one of the lessons and another church member would chime in and day "BECAUSE OF JESUS we have the power in us." and I would agree because of course that is what I meant, and then I would leave feeling like my lesson now created an argument. Next I would teach about being careful about the way we choose to live, and I would get a church member who would cast out the entire message, because they believed once you are saved you are always saved. So now I definitely had conflicting messages, and this person was an elder. I stopped teaching. I couldn't possibly be a teacher in a good church like this because I didn't know enough and I was either wrong all the time, didn't really hear from God, or I was stirring up trouble. It was even said that someone stopped coming to church because of me. That actually was true, because the person told me themselves.
Remember, I said, not everyone should be a teacher. So I quit teaching.
Then I started blogging. My passion returned and renewed, I was on fire! Perhaps, I should teach, but perhaps I didn't have a place in that church, because it was full of such amazing people, they would simply just be able to replace me and they did. I loved writing. I loved teaching. Until I realized no one was listening, no one was gaining anything, what I was doing didn't matter, I wasn't part of a "church" I was "just Ang" blogging to cyberspace. No purpose, no results. At least that's what I convinced myself. Sure a few friends would comment, but friends are supposed to say that stuff.
Remember I said, not everyone should be a teacher? So I quit blogging.
I am no Bill Johnson, I am no Joyce Meyer, I'm not even a Pastor...but I do have a passion for writing, and I do have a passion to teach. I may never have the ability to reach millions for Christ, and I may never have the love and attention of millions of likes on Facebook, but "you" may never meet Bill Johnson, Joyce Meyer, or even have a Pastor. But perhaps you know me. Perhaps I am your friend. Perhaps what God whispers in my ear and I shout from a rooftop would never be heard unless you heard it from me, because you see, if you are reading my blog, chances are we are friends. If we are not friends, chances are we will be.
What I am trying to tell you is not that you and I will be "someone" someday. What I am trying to tell you is that you and I are "someone" now. You and I need each other, because placed in each one of us, is what I call a seed of faith and talent. We are all given at least a mustard seed of faith and one talent. What we do with that talent will determine how big our mustard seed will grow. We can quit and bury it, but that will be the end of that talent and your mustard seed will be dormant. You will feel void and empty. I know that we can get frustrated, and I know that people can come against you, even in the church, but you can't have the mentality of "if you don't like it, don't let the door hit you on the way out" attitude. You have to press in, it won't feel good, you won't like it. Your feelings will be hurt, you might loose friends, yes, even in the church. You aren't going to church just to make friends, you are going their to build kingdom. Kingdom with other believers that are finding their way no different than you. You don't leave the church because you are learning to grow...if you leave, or are asked to leave, you are learning nothing different than the world teaches. Some members of the church are bold, some are snotty, some are insecure, some are over confident, some are not compassionate, some are empathetic, but each one of us in there to use our talent for God. Your talent, doesn't look like my talent, and it won't, even it is similar, because if it were the same, I wouldn't have purpose. You might be a writer with a different view, and that's ok. Your grammar and spelling might not be perfect, but don't worry, they make grammar patrol for that, no... really... people will tell you how much it bothers them to see. So thank them for their talent and fix it if you want, or leave it because it's you.
So here I am, with a goal each morning to use my talent and passion for God. I'm not asking for money or for fame. I will have to face the critics and trust God. I will have to make sure that I have my focus on "the One" that speaks for me, and when I get a part that doesn't seem to fit the rest of the story, the rabbit trail I thought my dysfunctional brain attended, I will now know that God has his sights on someone in left field that was waiting for a "sign" that God stops along the way to answer. It's called the parable of the lost sheep.