Yet, there is the Mr. Hyde side of me, that longs to be loved, longs to be accepted, longs to have the big house, fancy things, social standing and status. And at times, I feed Mr. Hyde with my thoughts, actions and deeds. When I do, I find myself in a very unsettled condition on so many levels. I find I begin to convince myself I'm not good enough, rich enough, important enough, or capable enough to have or deserve these things. From there, I encourage the notion that other people think these same thoughts of me.
In the last few years, I've made a few changes, mostly because of my "people pleasing" tendencies. I've removed nearly all social media connections with people. I find although I love being around a crowd of people, I could not find the wilderness in social media, nor a way to escape and be alone. Now when I say "alone", I used to think it was my time to be a "hermit". I've since realized that is not what I was doing at all. It was actually the time I needed to get alone with God, with my thoughts, with my authentic self, my heart, my true emotions, my true needs, struggles, and thoughts. A time to get rid of distractions, yes, distractions, the need to be in people's business, or checking my social media account every 30 seconds to see what I had missed. During that time of distraction, I found I was more concerned about men than about God. I noted all the events I wasn't invited to, the friends I didn't have, the parties I didn't attend, the money I lacked, the looks I admired, the trips I couldn't take, the contact with true personal relationships that were slipping out of existence into a cyber world masked by the false appearance of "connection". I found my focus and perspective reflecting the popular likes on social media instead of the truth about God.
If you've never done so, I would highly encourage you to take some time to get away from everything. Find a place where there are no camera's, cell phones, social media, people, and instead turn up the worship music. Find a place you can sing without the fear of listeners, dance without the fear of watchers. Pandora, YouTube, and other free resources have excellent channels of worship. Drown out the sounds of distraction and just get consumed and saturated in Christ and all He has done and is doing. Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide and lead you into all truth. Maybe you need to just soak in His mercy, maybe you need to repent in His forgiveness, maybe you need to scream questions of "WHY GOD?" in His wisdom, maybe you need to crawl into the arms of His acceptance. Whatever your need, He is the answer.
Then, when your God tank is overflowing, go share this with others... not on social media. Instead, make personal, real life connections with others. Take time to invest, truly invest in relationships. Stop solely hiding behind distractions of computer screens and cell phones and live. If my Pastor taught me one thing before he transitioned into eternity, it was that purpose was about making genuine personal connections with others. He made it his life purpose to invest and build others up in Christ. No one sought dependence on him, but instead dependence on Christ, because that is what he pointed too.
When we enter eternity, may it be said of us, that we took the time to invest in others, and in every connection that God placed in our path, that we pointed to Christ.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11: 28-30